This is a post that has made the rounds on the Internet and there is such wisdom to the author's words. There are times I have found life so busy, so complicated, so whatever that I had a hard time holding onto the really important things, the things that are worth focusing on in life. Then along comes something like these words and it gives me the wake up call that I need to cut through it all.
Top 5 Regrets of the Dying
By Bronnie Ware
For many years I worked in palliative care. My patients were those who had gone
home to die. Some incredibly special times were shared. I was with them for the
last 3 to 12 weeks of their lives.
People grow a lot when they are faced
with their own mortality. I learnt never to underestimate someone's capacity for
growth. Some changes were phenomenal. Each experienced a variety of emotions, as
expected, denial, fear, anger, remorse, more denial and eventually acceptance.
Every single patient found their peace before they departed though, every one of
them.
When questioned about any regrets they had or anything they would
do differently, common themes surfaced again and again. Here are the most common
five:
1. I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not
the life others expected of me.
This was the most common regret of all. When
people realise that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is
easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honored
even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices
they had made, or not made.
It is very important to try and honour at
least some of your dreams along the way. From the moment that you lose your
health, it is too late. Health brings a freedom very few realise, until they no
longer have it.
2. I wish I didn't work so hard.
This came from
every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children's youth and their
partner's companionship. Women also spoke of this regret. But as most were from
an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All
of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the
treadmill of a work existence.
By simplifying your lifestyle and making
conscious choices along the way, it is possible to not need the income that you
think you do. And by creating more space in your life, you become happier and
more open to new opportunities, ones more suited to your new
lifestyle.
3. I wish I'd had the courage to express my
feelings.
Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with
others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who
they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the
bitterness and resentment they carried as a result.
We cannot control the
reactions of others. However, although people may initially react when you
change the way you are by speaking honestly, in the end it raises the
relationship to a whole new and healthier level. Either that or it releases the
unhealthy relationship from your life. Either way, you win.
4. I wish I
had stayed in touch with my friends.
Often they would not truly realise the
full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always
possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives
that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many
deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they
deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying.
It is common
for anyone in a busy lifestyle to let friendships slip. But when you are faced
with your approaching death, the physical details of life fall away. People do
want to get their financial affairs in order if possible. But it is not money or
status that holds the true importance for them. They want to get things in order
more for the benefit of those they love. Usually though, they are too ill and
weary to ever manage this task. It is all comes down to love and relationships
in the end. That is all that remains in the final weeks, love and
relationships.
5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.
This is a
surprisingly common one. Many did not realise until the end that happiness is a
choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called
'comfort' of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their
physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their
selves, that they were content. When deep within, they longed to laugh properly
and have silliness in their life again.
When you are on your deathbed,
what others think of you is a long way from your mind. How wonderful to be able
to let go and smile again, long before you are dying.
Life is a choice.
It is YOUR life. Choose consciously, choose wisely, choose honestly. Choose
happiness.
Bronnie Ware is a writer and songwriter from Australia who
spent several years caring for dying people in their homes. She has recently
released a full-length book titled 'The Top Five Regrets of the Dying - A Life
Transformed by the Dearly Departing'. It is a memoir of her own life and how
it was transformed through the regrets of the dying people she cared for. For
more information, please visit Bronnie's official website @ www.bronnieware.com or her blog at www.inspirationandchai.com
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