Interestingly, I was just having a conversation with someone about how someone's driving style may reflect narcissism. Many of us have been cut off, or somehow put at-risk on the road by someone who apparently shouldn't have to wait in line, or is entitled to be ahead of us, no matter the risk to anyone due to their driving behaviour.
I have a clinical interest in how certain people come to develop narcissism and believe we have been in the process of raising more narcissistic people over the last decade, or two. I'm seeing it in action in some of the ways that my generation and younger folks are raising their children.
When I was a child, my parents life did not revolve around me. My brother and I were not the centre of the universe in our family. Our parents expected us to behave in a certain way, to develop manners and we were disciplined when we didn't behave according to rules and expectations.
Articles like this, ‘Planet Mom and Dad’: Helicopter parents infiltrate college, the workplace and beyond, seem to be raising the issue of what is happening for too many young people. Parents, due to their clingy parenting, are possibly impacting their offspring doing the developmental work they need to be doing to become healthy, well-adjusted and successful adults.
What seems to underlie this kind of parenting is the narcissistic need of the parents to ensure their children "become successful" and a sense of entitlement seems to also underlie some of the behaviour. The articles describes parents who complain of low grades to university instructors. I've heard about this from people I know who teach.
In previous generations, people earned praise and rewards for working hard, winning and meeting goals. Over time, that began to diminish, which coincided with the "self-esteem" programming that began to be brought into schools and into our consciousness.
Next thing you know, every kid gets a ribbon at Sports day and there are no awards for being the best at anything. Kids also get praised for the simplest things. I caught myself on this and realized this was not helpful, or meaningful.
There are always going to be kids who work hard to achieve and succeed at their goals. I was one of those kids (and adults) and nothing short of a freight train can stop me from moving forward once I have a goal in mind (and pity the freight train that gets in my way, hahaha).
But in the rush to equalize everything, some kids, especially boys and young men, seem to be stepping out of the game altogether. Young women are outpacing males in many of the professions and are achieving higher education at much greater rates. Their economic clout is increasing and that is outpacing young men.
All of this is leading to a concerning change in the dating lives on women and men. It's something we're already seeing the ramifications of, with more people living alone and rejecting adult milestones (such as marriage and child rearing) than any other point in history.
Endlessly Entitled Narcissists: What to Look For
Summon up the courage to tell him (or her) that he’s being self-centered and here’s what to expect. He’ll either continue doing whatever he has been doing (as if you hadn’t said anything at all) or he’ll become irate: “Me? Self-centered? You must be nuts!”
Though all narcissists are not cut from the same cloth, they do have many traits in common. Here are the most prevalent ones.
- Narcissists are excessively self-absorbed. They monopolize the conversation, hog the remote, run the show. They pay scant attention to what interests you.
- Narcissists view others as extensions of themselves. The narcissist sets the standards of behavior and does not tolerate differences – especially if your viewpoint would require her to alter her behavior.
- Narcissists don’t appreciate different perspectives. If you don’t think or feel the same way he does, something’s wrong with you.
- Narcissists crave constant validation from the world. Admire and respect them and all is well. Find fault with them and watch out! Open narcissists will go on the offensive; closet narcissists will cut short the conversation.
- Narcissists pursue admiration, attention, status, prestige and money excessively. All of this is mere window dressing, covering up a real self that’s insecure and vulnerable.
- Narcissists believe that they’re entitled to special treatment. If it inconveniences them, it’s a “stupid” law, a “retarded” restriction. So why fall into line? “That’s for peons; not for me!”
- Narcissists believe that they deserve the best, regardless of cost. Hence, they may recklessly purchase status items and indulge in expensive experiences to make them feel like VIPs.
- Narcissists may donate generously to a cause or to helping others out in order to reflect well on themselves. When a gift is a narcissistic display rather than a gift from the heart, it’s all about the narcissist receiving recognition or control, not about the cause.
- It’s difficult to accept that someone you care for has a narcissistic personality, especially when he or she is talented, charming, smart, and yes, even caring at times. Yet, if you are often bewildered by their endless entitlement and repeatedly feel taken advantage of, don’t let your wishful thinking stand in the way of recognizing ‘what is.’
- Narcissists are great masters of disguise, describing their behavior in the best of terms (i.e. I’m only doing this for your own good!). Hence, it may take awhile for you to ‘get’ what’s really going on.
- Narcissism, reinforced by our culture, is on the rise. Advertisements that proclaim that you “deserve the best” or “you’re worth it” make no connection between deserving it and affording it. Nor do they describe what makes you so worthy. Hence, many narcissists feel that they’re acting the way they should be acting and see nothing wrong with their behavior.
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